Three dogs are in the waiting room at the veterinarian.
One of the dogs ask the first dog, which is a terrier, why are you here?
The terrier responds, well I've got a problem with biting people and so my master brought me here.
The other two dogs look at him, shake their heads and say oh my, looks like the needle for you.
So, the next dog is asked, why are you here?
This dog, a collie, responds, well my problem is that I bark all the time.
The other two dogs look at him, shake their heads, and say oh my, it's the needle for you too.
The third dog is then asked why he is at the vet.
He's a very handsome German Shepherd, and he responds.
Well, I was walking by the bathroom the other night when my voluptuous master came out buck naked.
I got so turned on that I jumped on top of her and had my way.
The other two dogs shake their heads, and respond, Oh my, looks like the needle for you to, eh?
Oh no, says the German Shepherd, I'm just here to get my nails trimmed.
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put into an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup..."
"No," he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near a window?" :smiley_duh:
I went fishing this morning, but after a short time, I ran out of worms.
Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth.
"Frogs are good bass bait," I thought to myself.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.
Just then, I realized I had a problem, how was I going to release the snake without getting bit?
So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniel's and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. The snakes eyes rolled back and he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge at my foot.
There was that same snake with two more frogs in his mouth.
One time a German tourist dove into a river to save someone's dog.
When he came back, he said to the owner, "Here iz ze dog, put him in a blänket so he iz dry and warm."
The owners ask him, "How do you know, are you a vet?"
The German looks at them blankly,
"Vet? Im bluddy soaking!"